I am my own worst enemy, I realize this. Most of the time what I perceive is not verbalized. But what I perceive is still an honest feeling in my heart. I am fully aware that I am judging myself. And since that is the case, my unhappiness is my own damn fault.
The perception may not actually be spoken in words, but it is enough to influence the judge. The judge is different version of myself. She pounds that gavel and declares me guilty of blame and get I my sentence of another year's hard time. I take my judgement helplessly and accept my fate. Thus I am a victim of myself.
I don't want to take the blame for everything, it makes me feel like a worm. Worms are OK creatures, I think they are kind of cute, actually, but after all, they live in the mud. I have evolved and I have no desire to live in the mud. (Or go camping,-- (although I used to like camping a few years ago. )) So why do I keep condemning myself to slither in the mud? I may never know.
I keep hearing, one of the keys to happiness is to focus on yourself. That is difficult when the judge that is me is being influenced, by someone telling her how selfish I am.
...
I'm only trying to get me some peace!
Christ, you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be...
(John Lennon gets credit for those lines)
,
No comments:
Post a Comment