I always felt that I didn't fit in and that I must have been defective in some way. While growing up the other kids had their idea of normal and I wasn't it. It seemed that every time I found something within myself that I thought was socially acceptable, I was shot down either by God, or by someone who thought they were.
So I decided that since I didn't have a choice in the matter, I would make weirdness my armor. It made me feel like I choose to be the social outcast I thought I was. If someone said I was weird I would have said "thank you". I think that is why I (as the song from Hair says,) let my "freak flag fly" . Being weird gave me something to hide behind. It gave me the reason I was looking for, as to why I was me, and that if nobody liked how I was, I could make them think I choose to be a non-conformist. The armor did its job. It protected me. I know now that I was embracing the personal power and I didn't even know I had.
I have found out that, like it or not, I'm just not that weird. I do fit in. I can take off my armor. But,
I have worn my armor for so many years that parts of it have begun to take root. I may bleed if remove it too quickly. Its removal has to be a gradual process.
There is a lot to be said for individuality, and I don't want to become just another drop in the bucket of humanity either. There are some perks to being weird. I think my own special weirdness may be my humor or my creativity.
Its a question of balance. My happy place is somewhere in the middle between dull and weird.
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